Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Jokes2
*Girls go on diets in these 3 cases:
a)They get dumped by a guy
b)They meet a new guy
c)On Mondays
*3 mice in the bar are arguing which on of them is the toughest one.
"I eat rat poison" says one.
"I eat cheese out of the traps" says the other.
The third one just stands up and starts walking away.
"Where are you going" the other two ask.
"Oh, just home. To fuck the cat"
*WWII. Russian soldiers decide to have a little birthday party. But they end up partying so much that they drink away their money and ammunition. They wake up in the morning and see that they've got nothing to fight with. Finally the general says:
"We have no other way. Let's just all take sticks and go"
They do so. And start running toward the enemy camp. Then one soldier notices a German in a tree. He runs to that tree. Aims and says.
"Your dead. I shot you"
"No way I'm in a tank"
* "Sweetheart, you're the most beautiful lady in this party! Did you purposely invite such guests?"
*"WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR EARS?"
"See, I was ironing. And somebody called me."
"And the other one?"
"They called me back."
a)They get dumped by a guy
b)They meet a new guy
c)On Mondays
*3 mice in the bar are arguing which on of them is the toughest one.
"I eat rat poison" says one.
"I eat cheese out of the traps" says the other.
The third one just stands up and starts walking away.
"Where are you going" the other two ask.
"Oh, just home. To fuck the cat"
*WWII. Russian soldiers decide to have a little birthday party. But they end up partying so much that they drink away their money and ammunition. They wake up in the morning and see that they've got nothing to fight with. Finally the general says:
"We have no other way. Let's just all take sticks and go"
They do so. And start running toward the enemy camp. Then one soldier notices a German in a tree. He runs to that tree. Aims and says.
"Your dead. I shot you"
"No way I'm in a tank"
* "Sweetheart, you're the most beautiful lady in this party! Did you purposely invite such guests?"
*"WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR EARS?"
"See, I was ironing. And somebody called me."
"And the other one?"
"They called me back."
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Funny Video 1,
Pretty old, but still hilarious. Little Cody's cry over her love for the Justin Bieber. Click here.
Jokes 1.
*A notice in a zoo: "Don't scare the ostriches. The floor's made of concrete!"
*Husband claims: "My wife changed her facebook relationship status. From married to widowed. I am scared.."
*A guy comes to the zoo manager, and asks him for a job.
"Why do you want a job here?" the manager wonders.
"I can't find it anywhere else, see, I'm too slow." "
Slow? Great we need slow people you can supervise turtles"
Next day the manager comes to work, and sees that the cage of turtles is opened and there are none of them are in there. He calls the guy to ask and asks him what happened.
"See, Mrs. Manager, sir, I opened the cage to feed them and I didn't even notice how they shwift shwift shwift and fled"
*"I'm getting operated on tomorrow."
"Oh? What are they going to do?"
"Circumcise me"
"I had that when I was few days old"
"Did it hurt?"
"I couldn't walk for a year"
*"I posted a note in a newspaper, yesterday, saying that I'm looking for a wife, I've already gotten 500 responses"
"And what do they say?"
"Mostly: you can have mine!"
*A notice in a newspaper: "Selling a dog. Very smart. Eats everything. Likes children"
*An old angry lady has medical checkup. Doctor asks her some questions. Here's how they were answered:
Q:How do you feel?
A:How should I feel?
Q:What hurts you?
A:What doesn't hurt me?
Q:When do you feel bad?
A:When don't I feel bad?
Q:When did it start?
A:When will it end better?
*Husband claims: "My wife changed her facebook relationship status. From married to widowed. I am scared.."
*A guy comes to the zoo manager, and asks him for a job.
"Why do you want a job here?" the manager wonders.
"I can't find it anywhere else, see, I'm too slow." "
Slow? Great we need slow people you can supervise turtles"
Next day the manager comes to work, and sees that the cage of turtles is opened and there are none of them are in there. He calls the guy to ask and asks him what happened.
"See, Mrs. Manager, sir, I opened the cage to feed them and I didn't even notice how they shwift shwift shwift and fled"
*"I'm getting operated on tomorrow."
"Oh? What are they going to do?"
"Circumcise me"
"I had that when I was few days old"
"Did it hurt?"
"I couldn't walk for a year"
*"I posted a note in a newspaper, yesterday, saying that I'm looking for a wife, I've already gotten 500 responses"
"And what do they say?"
"Mostly: you can have mine!"
*A notice in a newspaper: "Selling a dog. Very smart. Eats everything. Likes children"
*An old angry lady has medical checkup. Doctor asks her some questions. Here's how they were answered:
Q:How do you feel?
A:How should I feel?
Q:What hurts you?
A:What doesn't hurt me?
Q:When do you feel bad?
A:When don't I feel bad?
Q:When did it start?
A:When will it end better?
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