Jokes 1.

*A notice in a zoo: "Don't scare the ostriches. The floor's made of concrete!"

*Husband claims: "My wife changed her facebook relationship status. From married to widowed. I am scared.."

*A guy comes to the zoo manager, and asks him for a job.
"Why do you want a job here?" the manager wonders.
"I can't find it anywhere else, see, I'm too slow." "
Slow? Great we need slow people you can supervise turtles"
Next day the manager comes to work, and sees that the cage of turtles is opened and there are none of them are in there. He calls the guy to ask and asks him what happened.
"See, Mrs. Manager, sir, I opened the cage to feed them and I didn't even notice how they shwift shwift shwift and fled"

*"I'm getting operated on tomorrow."
"Oh? What are they going to do?"
"Circumcise me"
"I had that when I was few days old"
"Did it hurt?"
"I couldn't walk for a year"

*"I posted a note in a newspaper, yesterday, saying that I'm looking for a wife, I've already gotten 500 responses"
"And what do they say?"
"Mostly: you can have mine!"

*A notice in a newspaper: "Selling a dog. Very smart. Eats everything. Likes children"

*An old angry lady has medical checkup. Doctor asks her some questions. Here's how they were answered:

Q:How do you feel?
A:How should I feel?

Q:What hurts you?
A:What doesn't hurt me?

Q:When do you feel bad?
A:When don't I feel bad?

Q:When did it start?
A:When will it end better?